What’s a little buttered toast?

“Stay away from the couch.”

Moments later…

“Luke!  No couch, please.”

Proceeded by…

“I said, no couch!  You are covered in sunblock.  I.  Do. Not. Want.  Sunblock on the couch.  Get it?”

How unfair is that?  I slather sunblock all over my kid’s body – the thick, white, zinc-oxide kind (because it’s the safest, in my opinion.  more on that another time) – and I expect him to give up his favorite pastime of dive-bombing the couch with a running start.

We did it to ourselves.  We indulged in the sofa of our dreams…a Pottery Barn sectional with the Everyday Suede slipcover.  The silky softness and the sinkability of those heavenly cushions have made it a worthwhile investment.  Stains be damned, we can rip those slipcovers off at any moment and launder them.  But that doesn’t make life easier.  We still cringe whenever the kids approach the living room with peanut butter lingering on their lips or melty M&Ms clenched in their little paws.

As I’m writing, my darling boy is announcing, “I have to go poo-poo!”

“So, go!”  I holler back.  At what age will he stop announcing his bowel habits to me?

Slipcovers are ridiculous because you still have to remove them, take them to the dry cleaner (because we don’t have a commercial size washing machine in our house, do you?), then have a bald sofa for a few days before picking up the slipcovers.  Then comes the putting-back-on of the slipcovers.  This is no small feat.  I thought the delivery guys were going to set the whole thing up when we first got the sofa, but they pretty much just dumped the pieces of the sectional in our living room and booked out of here.  Can’t say I blame them.  I’m in decent physical shape, but I broke a sweat when I put that sofa together.  Was it worth every droplet of perspiration?  Yup.  It’s that darn comfortable.

“What are you doing, Madeleine?”

“Nothing, nothing,”

Madeleine is leaning on the couch.  I spot the crumbly, crusty toast in her hand, the butter on it still wet and drippy.  How she obtained said toast while out of her highchair is unclear to me.  Oh, the horror.  As if in a dream where my legs are immersed in tubs of molasses, rendering me slow and clumbsy, I leap over the tufted ottoman – yes, I’m one of those annoying people who think that an upholstered footrest can substitute for an actual coffee table.  It has saved our kids many a bump and bruise since there are no sharp corners on it.

“Let Mommy have that, ok Honeybun?”

“My toast!”

Over my dead body, kid.

On a different note, we spent an impromptu 4th of July with some friends at the beach.  The lovely – and very pregnant with her first baby – Abby was there and I was inspired to post about all those gottahaveits that get you through the first stages of parenthood.  Because let’s face it, after the first kid it’s kind of Where’s little Johnny?  Oh, he’s over there chewing on that toy with the lead-based paint.  For those who are just embarking on this adventure, the next post is for you.

This entry was published on July 5, 2012 at 6:23 pm. It’s filed under Kids and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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