I didn’t cry. Luke was great and (phew) I didn’t cry. My parents came along to see him off on his first day of Kindergarten and I thought for sure having them there would up the risk of separation meltdown. But Luke knocked my flip flops off with his coolness and enthusiasm for this new place filled with new faces. As for me, the first day was a big deal. It got my wheels turning. Time is passing, he’s growing. I could almost see his body stretching like Gumby during the summer. (Does anyone even remember Gumby?) I measured him against his bedroom wall. He’s getting so tall. He will only get older. Will he always let me hug him and kiss him?
After I picked him up he was happy. He’d had a great day but I could tell in that wordless way my kid tells me he’s tired and just wants to be home with his comfy spot on the couch, his toys and Transformers on tv.
Michael and I looked at each other over dinner as our normally grouchy boy was so much more lighthearted and willing to listen and to share his day. We were thrilled. We breathed a sigh of relief.
Maybe it’s just today, but I swear I have more fine lines around my eyes and mouth than yesterday. There are times when I feel conquered by motherhood. And then there are times like these, when I feel like my babies are grains of sand slipping between by fingers.
When things would happen in life that weren’t what I’d like, my grandmother used to say This too shall pass. I found great comfort in those words and at times I still do. But does it have to be that way for the wonderful things? Like how tonight when Luke was in the tub and laughed as he played with his bath toys, instead of fighting me over having his hair washed. Later while he was tucked into bed he kept asking us to come in and give him extra hugs and kisses. His voice floated out from the dark bedroom, “Mom…I love you.”
Even though the floor needed Swiffering and the laundry needed folding and his lunch needed packing I was reassured that my baby is still a baby and needs extra anything from me. Take it all, my darling. Take all I have to give.