This is embarrassing. So, of course I’ll share it with my friends (whom I assume adore me) and readers whom I’ve never met. Why not?
The other night when we had just gotten into bed, I shut the light and my very tired husband rolled over and seemed to pass out instantly. When he rolls away from me I feel like I’m by myself in our bed. I’ll usually snuggle up behind him, but then I’ll have to turn back to sleep on my left side because I can’t fall asleep any other way.
On this night for some reason I suddenly felt like I missed him even though he was lying right there, 6 inches or so away from me. Sometimes when I feel like this it opens the gates for my anxiety to get itself going.
I realize it’s irrational, which is what makes anxiety so frustrating. If you’ve never felt like this, imagine being a hamster on a wheel. (Without the oversized front teeth and body covered in fur.) Your mind begins conjuring up all of these scenarios that are unsettling and they build upon each other. What if this happens..and then what if that happens. I can’t sleep!
This doesn’t happen to me all the time but when it does it’s no fun at all.
Anyway, I suddenly began worrying about all kinds of crazy things and I thought, What if this is our last moment together? And immediately I wanted to smother my husband with hugs and kisses. You know, just in case.
Note to self: worrying is completely pointless and does not change the outcome of anything
The obstacle here was that I had my night guard in my mouth. I clench my jaw while I sleep. Oh stop it, I already know it’s sexy.
I can’t just take it out because I have to soak it in hot water for a minute so it’s pliable enough to fit over my teeth. (Sorry about the details and uninteresting mental image.)
The point is that I didn’t take it out of my mouth and kiss my husband because it was too much of an inconvenience at that moment.
Isn’t that terrible?
I actually resisted the urge to be affectionate because then I’d have to get out of bed and re-soak my stupid-jerk-idiot night guard.
That’s terrible, though. I know it is.
While I haven’t had dreams that involved anything bad happening to my husband (thank God!) I have had occasional dreams about him running off with another woman. When I wake up, I feel like punching him.
Instead I’ll say, “You dream-cheated on me. Jerk.”
And he’ll say, “You’re an idiot.”
And then I feel happy to be an idiot.
When he’s the one having dreams that I’ve jumped on the horse of some other Prince Charming he’ll say, “I dreamed that you didn’t love me anymore.”
And I’ll say something like, “Your subconscious is telling you that you need to woo me more.”
Again, terrible, I know.
So now I’ve made a deal with myself that whenever I get anxious at night I’ll make sure and smother my husband until his eyes pop out of his head (despite any squirming and/or resisting on his part) because it’s just too long of a wait for him to come home the next day.