This is silly and childish but I can’t stop laughing about this long-time wrong number caller who dials my cell number every month or so and thinks I’m her friend Carol.
“Carol,” she usually starts off the message, “this is Elaine.”
Her voice reminds me of a well-to-do woman who might live in a gaudy mansion somewhere, and the way she emphasizes certain words is very entertaining.
Today I answered the call for a change and after a brief pause she said, “Carol?”
And I replied, “No, you have the wrong number.”
Elaine hung up without another word.
What I should’ve said was, Lady, you’ve been calling my number for months and you haven’t put together the pieces here? Haven’t you asked Carol why she doesn’t return your messages?
The phone didn’t ring again but then I saw that she had left a voicemail… “Carol, it’s Elaine. I have a challah to bring over, alright?”
As I sit here and write I’m wondering if I should call her back and explain all of this. Now Carol will have multiple loaves of challah to contend with. And while I’m not jewish, I do love challah, so maybe I can convince her to drop it off to me instead!
Nah. I’ll just see if she calls again.
All of this reminds me of when I was an obnoxious tween. My friend Christina and I used to hang out in her bedroom and make prank calls to strangers. We were horrible. Sometimes we’d pretend we were calling from charitable organizations and ask for money, only to hang up when the person on the other end asked where to send the check. Another time I made up this offensive poem and I’d sing it to the person who answered.
“Sharing is caring and love is a crock. Do me a favor and choke on a rock!”
Really bad. What a brat I was. I’m much nicer now and have a much bigger conscious than I did then.
We’d laugh and laugh until our stomachs ached.
One of our prank victims was an elderly woman and she was pissed as hell and started yelling at me about halfway through my “poem”. I deserved it.
I won’t be calling Elaine with any pranks, but if she dials my number again I hope I’ll be left with a good story for you.