It’s me. Giselle’s twin sister.

What is my problem?

Every time I sit down to chat with you guys the words seem flat.  You know I like to amuse you.  Maybe even get you to chuckle.  But lately, I can’t find my mojo.

Balls.

Now that the pressure’s off, can I bore you a bit?  Thanks.

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At Christmas time I lose my mind a little.  How is that different from any other time, you ask?  Aside from composing endless variations of our family Christmas card on Shutterfly, tinyprints or PhotoAffections, to the point where my husband probably wishes we didn’t own a computer, I also rationalize buying things that normally I’d never buy.  Last night I impulse-purchased a discontinued miniature Magiclip Disney Princess Jasmine, from one of those sucker toy websites that carries the stuff they no longer manufacture, for several times the original sale price.

Two questions:

1.  Am I stupid?

2.  Why, Disney?  Why, why, why do you do this?  Little girls love Jasmine.  Bring her back!  (please)

Photographer Randel Urbauer Stylist Machiko Job 1249680A

See? Jasmine isn’t even in the pic with the rest of these bimbos. That’s how annoying she is to find.

It makes me think of those American Express commercials where you see someone buying a bunch of crap and then the last line is…

“Priceless.”

The look on my daughter’s face when she sees Princess Jasmine under the tree in all her tiny Magiclip glory will be just that.  Only now I’ll have to endure the remainder of November and most of December while I watch my kid line up the rest of her princesses and sigh that Jasmine’s missing.

In other news, Madeleine refuses to wear anything else except her gray sparkly skirt day after day.  After day.  People must think I don’t buy her clothes.  It kills me that all her other cute clothes lie waiting in her dresser for their turn that never comes.

Also, Luke now spits at me when I reprimand him.  Please.  Someone tell me what to do instead of morphing into a fire-breathing dragon.  Cause’ that’s what I’ve been doing each time and I’m getting tired here.

And let’s see…I haven’t washed my hair in 3 days.

Hold on.  I’m clean.  Really, I am.  The rest of me gets washed daily (not that you asked).  I got the idea from my sister who has the same super-fine, straight hair as I do.  Her hair stylist recommended washing just twice a week to restore body to her hair and to reverse her body’s tendency to overproduce oil since she was washing her hair every day.  Make sense?

My sister’s results have been great and now I’ve begun the experiment myself.  She even said I’d end up with hair like…

Pantene_Pro-V_1Ok.  Not exactly.

Did you fall asleep?  No?  Oh good.  Your eyes glazed over for a second.

Here’s another thing.  I have this magical fantasy about baking cookies with my kids during the holidays.  Everyone is giggling, smiling and having fun.

Reality:  Wanting them to help and have fun but not wanting to end up with ugly, misshapen cookies. (It’s the pastry chef in me.  It’s not my fault.)  And  of course, me screaming, “We don’t eat raw cookie dough!  That’s how we get salmonella!”  If this the realest of realities, Luke will be yelling, “Shut up, Madeleine!” and Madeleine will spit at him and then he’ll do it back and so on.

Fa, la, la, la,  laaaaah!

I’m going to work on that before the actual cookie baking begins.  I want to be the fun mom.  Yeah.  Cool, fun Mom.  That’s me.

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This entry was published on November 18, 2013 at 5:31 am. It’s filed under Baking, chitchat, Kids and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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