My husband’s checking you out and I’m fine with it.

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“She’s smokin’ hot,” my husband said one night, as we talked about some new bimbo on a TV series.

While that may sound like something a surfer dude, hipster or hormonal tween might say as a girl walks by in a short skirt, rest assured, my 30-something husband said those words exactly.

I felt my eyebrows shift slightly.

“What’s that face for?” he asked.

“I don’t think you’ve ever described me as ‘smokin hot’.  But this girl, she gets that title,”  I said.

“It’s different.  You’re my wife.  You’re -”

“Boring and ho-hum.”

“No.  You’re putting words in my mouth.  I don’t know her.  Of course she’s hot, but she’s also probably annoying as hell in a hundred ways.”

“Great back-peddling.”

“I can’t be honest with you?” he laughed.

So there it is.  My husband doesn’t see me as some steamy porn-worthy slut.

Oh, wait.  That’s a good thing, right?  I’d like to think I’m the kind of girl a guy (my husband, of course) can be himself with and not the kind of girl who makes a guy (my husband, of course) feel like he has something to prove.  Not that I’m saying a guy  who’s married several years shouldn’t go the extra mile every now and then.  (He should.)  I just don’t like to make people uncomfortable.

Be comfortable.  Put your feet up.

Is it ok in your marriage to talk openly about people you find attractive?

No, we’re not swingers.  And no, that won’t be happening any time soon.  Not as long as I’m clear on what year it is and what my name is.

It is fun sometimes, though.  I love when I point out a friend of a friend of a friend or a nice, funny dad at my son’s school who I think is cute and my husband says…

That guy?!”

“What?”  I say as I try not to laugh.

“He’s…”

“He’s what?”

“He’s gross.”

“He has a quality.”

“Yeah, his quality is grossness.”

“You’re a man.  You don’t get it.  Women love that.”

And by that I mean confidence, charisma, some kind of endearing goofiness or a sexy accent (at the least).  Occasionally, he’ll mention a woman whose appeal I can’t understand and he’ll play the she has a quality card.  But usually it’s about the boobs.

It’s always about the boobs.  I’m starting to think these babies have serious power I haven’t fully tapped into yet.

For example, our first family trip to the movies…

I’m no Victoria’s Secret push-up bra model.  Imagine my surprise then as I sat contentedly, sharing Reece’s Pieces with my kids, waiting for Cars 2 to start, when another family entered the theatre and sat two rows ahead of us.  The dad was the last to sit down in the row and he made a slight but unmissable head jerk at my rack.

First I kind of choke-laughed on my candy and tasted peanut butter in my nasal cavity, since I’m usually unaware of men checking me out if they ever do.  Then, Yay!  I’m not flat-chested! and eventually Gasp!  You’re with your wife and kids, weirdo.  I thought it was hilarious and mentioned it to Michael who was definitely not amused.

Like I said.  It’s always about the boobs.  Even when you’re at the movies with your kids.

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This entry was published on November 20, 2013 at 5:35 am. It’s filed under chitchat, Husbands, Marriage, relationships, Sex, women and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

4 thoughts on “My husband’s checking you out and I’m fine with it.

  1. Haha, good post. Despite it being totally normal that hot blooded men and women are bound to find other men and women attractive, it is still a slight taboo isn’t it? But it’s only natural, and when it is about some unattainable movie star, it doesn’t matter one jot if you tell you partner in my view. For instance, I will happily let my wife know that if Zooey Deschanel were to come calling, I would be off. And she is happy to tell me that if Tom Hardy knocked on the door, it would be me who was left holding the baby (which is actually a bit scary because we found out recently that his kid goes to a school nearby therefore it is possible that that could happen)!!

    • What is it about Tom Hardy? I, too, am under his spell so I guess I can’t offer an argument there. Zooey Deschanel, you say. She’s adorable. She’d be fun to carry around in your pocket. Glad you and your wife let it all out there. More fun that way. And thanks for reading along.

  2. My wife is insanely busy with a new job, staying up all night, stressing about this and that, so our sex life has assumed the frequency of Haley’s Comet. And so I find myself checking out the MILFs at my son’s elementary school. There are a lot of Spanish MILFs. A lot. Wait, what was I talking about?
    Anyway, feel flattered that guys still check out your rack. Nothing wrong with that. I just wish that hot babes looked at a bald pate in the same way that men drool over a tight booty. Attention, no matter where it comes from (well, almost), is welcome.

    • My husband shaves his head and I love it. I always notice bald guys about my age and think it’s confident of them and how I’m glad my husband is concerned with things other than how many of his hair follicles are still cooperating. Women like lots of things about men that are surprising. We just don’t always advertise it.

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