1. You allow others to watch you go to the bathroom, without considering it voyeurism.
2. Productivity consists of being able to locate all 10 miniature fish and 4 equally miniature fishing poles that belong to the miniature wind-up fishing game. (Bonus: you get to feel like a giant)
3. Terror comes in the form of your youngest child, who managed to distribute chocolate over most of her body that was licked from just one cookie, running toward your bedroom, which happens to be the only room in the house where everything thing is white.
4. A person only a fraction of your age has the ability to coerce you by incessant whining into giving them a cookie before breakfast.
5. Panic is defined by not being able to obtain the “hottest toy of 2013” for Christmas.
6. Panicking again when you think you hear your kid’s bedroom door open as you try to not crinkle the wrapping paper too loudly while wrapping their gifts the night before Christmas, and as your bleary-eyed spouse drowns in a sea of legos that will eventually assemble into a cargo train. Hopefully.
7. Holding your breath when the kids come to the dinner table as you wait to see if they’ll eat what you made.
8. Your spouse offering them cereal to keep the peace (as you clench your jaw in frustration) because broccoli is suddenly on the “gross” list.
9. After the kids are in bed, you open the freezer painstakingly slowly so they don’t hear you foraging for the last of the Talenti Sea Salt Caramel gelato.
10. You’re happiness for the day rests on the mood of your least happy child.