Ode to the Havoc of Momhood

I’m in survival mode.

Click here if you need to laugh.  It has nothing to do with the rest of this post but I’m delirious and sleep-deprived today so I’m not even sure that I’m writing in English.

guten Morgen.

Last night I earned my badge for Bravery in the Face of Bodily Fluids, if there is such a thing.  Luke has a stomach virus, his first one ever.  There was no sleeping.  Only vomit.

I guess I’m officially a real mom.

Wait, what was I before?


What day is it?

As I look over at my blue-eyed tow-head who has managed to keep down water as he giggles at Transformers cartoons, I’m grateful.  Last night was quite the opposite.

Clad in heavy vinyl gloves – so thick and indestructible they’d cause people stop and wonder When did Lindsay take up welding?  – I entered Luke’s room after hearing him cry out at 1am.  Thank you, gloves.  You were my armor as I faced the great unknown of barf.

From there it was lots of up the ladder, down the ladder.  Luke has a loft bed.  We really thought it was a great space-saving option for his small bedroom, and it is.  I did consider that it would be tough to manage if he ever happened to wet his bed or became sick in the middle of the night.  Nah, that’s unlikely, I thought.

Numerous garbage bags, Seventh Generation Disinfecting Wipes, Method Spray (No, I’m not paid for endorsements) and plenty of paper towels later, I had him cleaned up.  His throat must have been burning though because he felt like he couldn’t breath.  Luke often has allergies problems and I find that steaming up the bathroom works wonders to help him breath easier.  It worked for this scenario, too.  Who knew!

Tea at 2am.  Is there ever a bad time for a tea party?

A call to the on-call pediatrician.

Didn’t hear back from the doc so we turned in once Luke settled down.

Somewhere between 2:30am and 3am the phone rang.  It was the doctor.  I’m not sure what the heck he said.  He had to ask me twice how old Luke is.

I fell back asleep and awoke later to Madeleine patting me on the head saying, Hello?  Moooooom?  Helloooo?  I want to watch my show.  I’m hungry.  Mommy?

So today we’re all just taking it easy.  Man alive, I haven’t been this tired since the newborn days.  Did I mention I’d wanted another baby?  Too late to change my mind?

The patient is resting comfortably as he watches back-to-back episodes of Thomas the Train.  And the only real victim here was me Cookie Monster.  That poor guy sleeps loyally next to Luke every night and unfortunately he got caught in the cross-fire.

Cookie Monster, you got it good.  I don’t think he meant to nail you like that with the first wave of barf.  You just didn’t have time to get out of harm’s way.

This entry was published on February 11, 2014 at 4:50 pm. It’s filed under chitchat, Kids, Life lessons, parenting and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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